The Importance of Personal growth and Emotional Intelligence.
The development of EQ is as important as IQ especially in the area of your own Personal development and an understanding of the self.
The higher your EQ is the better chance you will have of being a success in social and personal relationships.
Empathy, Emotional reflection, Insight ,are all qualities measured in EQ tests, and all vital in relationship success ,and personal success in every day life.,
Transactional Analysis is a good Psychological model for an understanding of the Self, and is often used in measuring a persons Emotional problems and Emotional literacy.
In Transactional Analysis we see the Self as divided into three parts of the Self. These parts of the Self are known as Ego States.
Namely: Parent Ego state. Child Ego state, and Adult Ego state.
By an understanding of these parts of ourselves we can gain new insights into our Adult and Emotional functioning ,which is so vital in developing our Emotional Intelligence!
Understanding and real Awareness ,then are ,the key factors in Personal development.
In the Transactional Analysis model ,the awareness of the Adult part of ourseves is vital in order to increase Adult functioning in the here and now.
We also need to ne in touch with the Child part of ourselves in terms of increasing spontaneity and intamcy.
Thus I have outlined below some exercises aimed at unlocking parts of theAdult andChild Ego states.
TA Exercises to aid Personal development
This exercise is specifically for people who are in their Child ego state ,and who may escalate feelings in order to get there child needs met, when it is more appropriate, to be in their Adult Ego state.
1. Make sure you are in contact with the ground in some way — if you Sitting or standing up, make sure that your feet are placed firmly on the ground.
2. If you are sitting down, make sure that you are aware of the contact of your body on the chair.
3. Look around your environment and check out what you observe – for Example, if you are in your room, observe what pieces of furniture you have in the room and what is on the wall etc.
4. When you have done that and grounded yourself in reality, take a few deep breaths and realise that you are in contact with reality, and that you also can think and feel at the same time.–You are in the NOW.
Another exercise for problem solving, and accessing a persons Adult Ego state.-This exercise needs another person, either your partner or a friend.
1. Talk to your partner about the problem – they just listen. 10 minutes.
2. Your friend then spends 5 minutes responding.
3. You talk about your fears, concerning the problem – your partner just
listens -5 minutes.
4. Your friend responds – 5 minutes.
5. You talk with your friend about your sadness or anger concerning the Problem – 5 minutes.
6. They respond – 5 minutes.
7. You talk about what solution you want however unreasonable.- 5 minutes.
8. Your friend responds – 5 minutes.
9. You discuss with your friend about:
a. how you may sabotage yourself achieving your solution
b. how your life will change if you get what you want – 10 minutes
10. Finally you make a contract with your friend about what you are going to do – that might even be nothing –
I suggest that it is a Contract, for change, and and a Contract, that you can
achieve as you do not want to set yourself up to fail.—– -10 minutes
50 minutes approx overall– The time can be shorter according to your own wants and needs.
Exercises for accessing The Child part of yoursef i find usefull, are are often called Guided fantasies or Visualisations,
I suggest that you do these either with a friend or in a group, so you can feedback your feelings to them.
Visualisations as well as being a way of looking at what you might want ,are also a technique for re-decisions, and with this particular visualisations, the re-decision is all important.
This visualisation should be practised at least once a day for a week ,and then, twice a week for a month in order to re-enforce the positive picture that you have made for yourself. Remember that we all visualise anyway whether negatively or positively. Here we are concentrating on the positive, as positive change ,thats what we are concerned with in regarse to this exercise.
First Visualisation.
1. Relax – take some deep breaths and check out how you are feeling,
whether tense or relaxed. If any part of your body feels tense – I invite
you to tense it up for five seconds and then let it relax.
2. Imagine you are nine years of age approx.
3. Picture yourself somewhere you feel happy, safe, and warm – maybe your favourite place, whether it be your bedroom, your garden, etc.
Imagine what you are doing – how happy you are. You decide to go for a walk – leave your place – as you walk along you are very happy.
Suddenly, you see a big white building which surpriseds you because you had not realised it had been built there. You are curious to see inside – so you open the door and look inside – Inside is a big room.
In the middle of the room is a big white screen – to the side are television camera’s – you realise that it is to be a film of your life.
So, put yourself on that screen
– the camera’s starts rolling through the years of your life- ’til you are seventeen years of age-. You are in your favourite place – you are happy – relaxed.
Imagine your surroundings and feelings. The camera starts go to your present age – you are in your favourite place and you are happy and contented – you have made the changes in your life that you wanted, you are now the person that you wanted to be – just take that in – feel what it is like being the way you want, having changed to be like you want.
Now brighten up your surroundings. If you are in a room, brighten it up. Paint it bright colours.
If you are outside, make sure the sun is shinning and the sky is blue. You feel so great that you decide to take a picture of yourself – you have a camera with a self-timer – you take three or four picture for yourself: you put one on the wall, one in your pocket, and one in a safe place so that you can always look at it if you wish.
Now spend a few minutes, just allowing yourself to be ,and to allow yourself to know what you are feeling, being the way you want to be.
After yourself to come back to your present reality, and when ready, reflect what you got out of the experience for yourself
Second Visualisation. (another option)
What you want—- (again aimed at accessing the Child Ego state)
You are lying in a green meadow beside a stream. It is a hot day – no cloud in the sky – you are very happy – the sun is beating down on you and you feel warm all over.
You drag your hand casually through the water, feeling the coolness of the water in your hands.
You decide to go for a walk in the meadow – you see in the distance a hill – you run to the top and when you get to the top you look over the other side.
To your right is a still calm lake and to your left is a small wood – you see beyond the wood is a golden temple glistening in the sun – you are curious and decide to explore the temple – when you get to the temple, you open the vast doors and there in the big room inside there is nothing except a table with a big casket on it – you notice subscribed on the casket ,in bold gold letter is you name!
So cautiously, but with excitement, you go to the casket and look inside,and inside, is what you have always wanted, what you havealways dreamt of for yourself. You gently, but softly, lift your present out of the casket and very carefully walk out of the temple, and make your way back to the meadow, where you started from!!
Take some minutes to feel what it is like to have what you had always wanted just for you.
When you have finished this,discuss your experience with your friend.
In conclusion, The more you can understand ,and be aware of all parts of yourself, and how one part of the Self might be in conflict, you will be well on the way to a deeper understanding ,of not only how you became the way you are at a Psychological level, but also how to enhance the quality of your life!!
The Personality model of Transactional Analysis is a good vehicle for the above, increasing Self Awareness and your Personal literacy, which can only help in the world of social and personal relationships.
Bob Cooke 2013
