Posts Tagged ‘identity’
How Do You Create a Healthy Relationship?
What does a healthy relationship look like? Any ideas? Therapist Alexander Katehakis writing for psychcentral.com attempts to answer this question.
She begins by stating that in any healthy relationship whether romantic or not the individual parties remain distinct and separate from each other. Allowing the other person to grow and change but also giving room for them to make mistakes is also key. In a healthy relationship problems are resolved as each takes responsibility for their part in the difficulty and they work together to resolve the issue. This article sets out the ideal for us all to aim for. Let me know what you think!
How Do You Create a Healthy Relationship? | World of Psychology.
Take Two Steps to Self-Confidence
‘’Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained’’. Marie Curie
If you happened to watch the final episode of the IT Crowd (a comedy about a technical support group in a large company) you will have seen Moss, an awkward but endearing character, get a great tip from his boss about how to be more confident. What was it I hear you ask? ‘To wear women’s trousers’. It works for his boss so Moss gives it a try. He puts on his women’s slacks just like Superman puts on his superhero outfit in situations where more confidence is called for! It works!!
If only it could be that simple.
Let’s begin by defining the word confidence. Collins dictionary defines it simply by stating that confidence is a belief in your own abilities. This belief in your own ability can have an effect on every aspect of your life. Self- confidence shows in the way you behave, your body language, what you say and how you say it.
Self -confident people do what they believe is right, are willing to take risks and therefore stretch themselves. If they mess up they will readily admit their mistakes and learn from them. People with low self- confidence are constantly concerned by what other people think and alter their behaviour accordingly. They dislike risk and prefer to stay in their comfort zone. They will tend to cover up mistakes before anyone notices (Mindtools.com).
Do you recognise any of these thoughts or actions in yourself or any you know?
Building Self Confidence
Building self- confidence is achievable if you are determined and focused. You can approach this in two parts.
Step 1
This is all about reflection on your life so far and then thinking about where you want to aim for. What have you achieved in your life so far and what are your strengths?
What are you good at? Write it down!
Now it’s time to set a goal, this could be something in the near future or something further ahead that could have smaller goals to get there. It’s worth making this goal something specific that is realistic and achievable in a certain time frame. When thinking about your goal there are lots of things you can do to improve your confidence. A goal such as ‘be better’ isn’t going to get you very far. A goal such as ‘exercise once a week’’ or ‘sort out my wardrobe by Friday next week and buy a couple of items that flatter me’ is much more achievable. Research has shown that regular exercise and dressing better really do improve confidence!
Step 2
When you set out towards achieving your long term goal of improved confidence small successes along the way will make all the difference. Celebrating your successes will keep you thinking positively; enjoy it! If you do have failures then look at them as all part of the learning process. Don’t let them stop you from achieving your goal.
Confidence is all wrapped up with Self Esteem; how you feel about being you. If you feel you need help with confidence issues or self -esteem seeking professional help is a very good option. Here at Manchester Institute for Psychotherapy we have experienced counsellors and therapists who can help you with dealing with the confidence issues you may have and provide you with tools and strategies so you can move forward in your life. Our emphasis is on friendliness and providing a safe and warm environment. You can phone the Institute on: 0161-862-9456 to book your initial assessment or contact us via email.
How ‘impermanence’ can help us all get along
When you think about yourself what categories do you class yourself as falling into. The straightforward ones come to mind like male or female, your religion or the language you speak? We learn very early on in childhood how we fit into these groups and it continues on into adulthood how we perceive our identities.
A new study at Stanford University and the University of Waterloo has reported that we are more likely to judge other people negatively if they don’t share our identity. If however people are reminded that our perception of permanence of our identities is open to adjustment then it can lead to people living more peacefully with each other.
An interesting article that has significant implications. Why not take a look?
How ‘impermanence’ can help us all get along – Ideas – The Boston Globe.
Authenticity and Identity
This article really got me thinking today. Bob Edelstein writing for psychology today says
‘Discovering who you are in the moment modifies your already established identity.’
We have all established our identities as we grow up and we tend to think of them as static and stable. Edelstein argues that this is not really the case at all but that our identities are subjective, fluid and chosen by us in the moment. This is because our identity changes in response to everything that happens in our lives; good and bad.
Take a read as he includes a case study of Bill who identified himself as a ‘nice generous person with a positive attitude.’ See what he discovered about himself and his identity with the help of therapy.