‘’Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained’’. Marie Curie
If you happened to watch the final episode of the IT Crowd (a comedy about a technical support group in a large company) you will have seen Moss, an awkward but endearing character, get a great tip from his boss about how to be more confident. What was it I hear you ask? ‘To wear women’s trousers’. It works for his boss so Moss gives it a try. He puts on his women’s slacks just like Superman puts on his superhero outfit in situations where more confidence is called for! It works!!
If only it could be that simple.
Let’s begin by defining the word confidence. Collins dictionary defines it simply by stating that confidence is a belief in your own abilities. This belief in your own ability can have an effect on every aspect of your life. Self- confidence shows in the way you behave, your body language, what you say and how you say it.
Self -confident people do what they believe is right, are willing to take risks and therefore stretch themselves. If they mess up they will readily admit their mistakes and learn from them. People with low self- confidence are constantly concerned by what other people think and alter their behaviour accordingly. They dislike risk and prefer to stay in their comfort zone. They will tend to cover up mistakes before anyone notices (Mindtools.com).
Do you recognise any of these thoughts or actions in yourself or any you know?
Building Self Confidence
Building self- confidence is achievable if you are determined and focused. You can approach this in two parts.
Step 1
This is all about reflection on your life so far and then thinking about where you want to aim for. What have you achieved in your life so far and what are your strengths?
What are you good at? Write it down!
Now it’s time to set a goal, this could be something in the near future or something further ahead that could have smaller goals to get there. It’s worth making this goal something specific that is realistic and achievable in a certain time frame. When thinking about your goal there are lots of things you can do to improve your confidence. A goal such as ‘be better’ isn’t going to get you very far. A goal such as ‘exercise once a week’’ or ‘sort out my wardrobe by Friday next week and buy a couple of items that flatter me’ is much more achievable. Research has shown that regular exercise and dressing better really do improve confidence!
Step 2
When you set out towards achieving your long term goal of improved confidence small successes along the way will make all the difference. Celebrating your successes will keep you thinking positively; enjoy it! If you do have failures then look at them as all part of the learning process. Don’t let them stop you from achieving your goal.
Confidence is all wrapped up with Self Esteem; how you feel about being you. If you feel you need help with confidence issues or self -esteem seeking professional help is a very good option. Here at Manchester Institute for Psychotherapy we have experienced counsellors and therapists who can help you with dealing with the confidence issues you may have and provide you with tools and strategies so you can move forward in your life. Our emphasis is on friendliness and providing a safe and warm environment. You can phone the Institute on: 0161-862-9456 to book your initial assessment or contact us via email.
